Sadam had ‘em.
Russian has ‘em.
The US has ‘em.
China has ‘em.
But you don’t have ‘em.
Nope, you do not possess that j’ne sais quoi, that air of the international man about town, the ultimate persuader.
No, you do not have a packet of mass destruction.
Your neighbors do not fear you. Ninety-two pound weaklings kick sand in your face. Your spouse can hardly bear to be seen standing alongside you.
But it is not hopeless.
You can become the envy of, nay you can be feared by, every sysadmin this side of Omaha.
For a small fee we, Cavebear, can supply you with PMOD - Packets Of Mass Destruction.
What is a packet of mass destruction?
Armor Piercing Packets are wonderful things - but they are limited. They can not penetrate to deep underground bunkers. They can not reach the heart of a Wall Street hedge fund manager. They will not win Dancing With The Stars.
But Packets of Mass Destruction are something else; they are as great an advancement over the Armor Piercing Packet as baseball is to checkers.
How Do We Do It?
The details are, of course, a deeply classified secret. But for you, as long as you promise not to tell, we can tell you that the basis of PMOD is the Cavebear Armor Piercing Packet.
The Cavebear Armory, (rumored - correctly or incorrectly - to be located near the Nevada Test Site) has a team of highly trained rocket scientists (hired away from Space X) who are chained to their benches and forced to work day and night converting Armor Piercing Packets into Packets of Mass Destruction.
The layers of encapsulating headers are lovingly removed from each Armor Piercing Packet to reveal its naked body - trembling, luscious, soft, warm, and inviting.
Rigorous training and diet cause the body to gain both strength and length - to grow from a mere 1500 bytes to nearly 9000 octets!
It has become an Amazon of a packet, a Wonder Woman of a datagram, the Gretta Garbo of communication.