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Armor Piercing Packet

If you are like me, you find firewalls to be a nuisance and a bother — So the CaveBear invented the CaveBear Armor Piercing Packet, aka the CAPP.

The CAPP is great for getting through those firewalls – no muss, no fuss. Just aim it at that bothersome firewall and launch. Like a hot knife through butter, it cuts through those barriers. And it leaves nothing but a little entry hole to mark its path.

Not that we want to let the cat out of the bag, but here’s what our amazing CaveBear engineers do: we build a packet with all the ones bits in the front — that gives it heft where it will do the most good — and then to concentrate the force, we lay all the ones bits on edge — so the thin, sharp end is pointing forward.

Because firewalls come in various thicknesses, the CaveBear Armor Piercing Packet comes in various sizes.

For maximum penetration, you want the 1500 byte model — that’s 6000 penetrating ones bits pushed by the weight of 6000 zero bits. For that extra penetrating punch, we use a #2 pencil to fill in the insides of the zero bits.

We used to carry a hollow-tip model of the Armor Piercing Packet which had a block of zero bits right behind the first 8 ones bits. However, in the interests of safety, we have withdrawn this dum-dum model.

WARNING: Use the Armor Piercing Packet carefully. Avoid excessive penetrating power as the packet may continue well past the firewall causing untold destruction on the other side.