The CaveBear Firewall and Snoop Stopper
How much will you pay to keep your dirty little secrets secret? (Don't forget about that night last April in LA -- yes, we know about that.)
You should consider installing the CaveBear Firewall and Snoop Stopper. It will keep scum like us out of your computer. Guaranteed!
The CaveBear Firewall and Snoop Stopper is the perfect firewall. It will block all penetration attempts.
I hear you saying to yourself "Nah! Can't work!". Well, you are wrong (as usual)! It does work. In fact its the essence of simplicity and installation couldn't be easier:
Unpack the CaveBear Firewall and Snoop Stopper. Remove the ten pound (5 kilogram) block of soft clay from its protective wrapper. Cut your network access cable with a pair of wirecutters (available from CaveBear, part number 3.14159) and simply insert each of the cut ends into opposite sides of the clay block.